How Do I Cope With A Passive Aggressive Partner?

I know the end will come. The day when i feel I can’t take anymore and have to leave him. But that day will be the end of me. I love this man more than life itself, but the love i give to him is not reciprocated.

I found this great link about dealing with a passive aggressive partner. I’d never thought i might be with someone like this and never really understood what it meant. But when i read this article, i knew it all made sense and that what i am coping with is a passive aggressive man.

He is fearful of dependency and commitment, meaning i never really know where i stand. I am nearly 30, i want a house, a husband and children. He told me he wanted these things too, but as the relationship has progressed, i see no evidence of this anymore. H plays with my feelings, manipulating them for his own gain.

There’s also this feeling of nothing i do ever being good enough. Examples:

• I do the washing up but i stack the dirty plates at the wrong side of the sink and he reminds me how “unhygenic” this is and how i should put them on the opposite side.
• I dress up for dinner out, trying to look my very best for him. He looks me up and down, says nothing. I then have to ask if i look OK and he tells me i look “nice”.
• For our first Xmas, he said he didnt want anything “buying” as such and wanted me to think outside the box, more creatively. I spent 6 weeks making him a tapestry which said “i love you” on it. He couldn’t have cared less.

So, how do i cope with someone who makes it difficult to be “me”? I have so much love to give and he’s the only one i want, yet i can’t seem to find the answer. I often think i do too much for him, like he takes it for granted and doesn’t deserve me. But then i look at him and see his beautiful eyes, how successful he is and how much i look up to him and in the end i think its me who doesn’t deserve him.

Yes, i know that sounds like i have very little self-worth, but its true.

Love hurts.

Tags: love, love hurts, no self worth, passive aggressive, passive aggressive man, passive aggressive partner, self worth

Fron Lust to Love

I quickly fell for my new boyfriend. Even now, i stare into his eyes and my heart melts, but there’s quite a lot that isn’t right in my mind. That’s why i started  this blog, i guess i’m just rapidly running out of options and i need someone to turn to. My sister is no good; she won’t understand because she’s younger and still enjoying the day to day romance of an early twenty-something relationship.

So what’s the problem,i’m sure you’re asking.

Well, it started pretty much as soon as I got with my new guy. At first, I noticed he was a bit controlling, and there were some instances of this when we’d go out and he’d tell me what I could and couldn’t eat. I was taken a-back because I had never had this before, but I somehow allowed myself to accept it.

Then he started making comments, putting me down at every opportunity he got. It could have been my job, my stupid little VW, the fact I couldn’t cook well enough for him etc. Over time, these things really start to bring you down.

I have never been a particularly confident person, yet I seek reassurance and respect in my relationship where I can truly blossom when I have someone who is a ying to my yang. The problem is when my confidence is knocked and I’m expected to laugh it off in “jest” as he puts it. I find this hard.

So day to day I have been hiding the pain I’m feeling and yet almost paradoxically seeing my love for him increase. It started as lust and now I am completely besotted with him, yet still find room to say to myself “I don’t think he is treating me right” despite not doing anything about it. I genuinely love this guy. He makes a part of me stir like no-one else ever could. He has the most beautiful brown eyes, gorgeous long hair and he makes me laugh. But that’s just it – one minute I’m rolling about on the floor laughing and the next minute I’m having to conceal my tears. What do you do when you love someone so much yet they treat you badly?

I say I love him…I get no response.

I back off a bit and give him some space thinking that is he what he wants…he tells me I don’t care and don’t make any effort

I get the bus home from work as quick as I can and cook him dinner, just how he likes it…he doesn’t even say thank you or appreciate my effort

I get dressed for the day and think I might look OK…he looks me up and down 3 times, says nothing and walks away.

Are these things normal? I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but I can’t work this guy out. The other thing is, he has never had these issues with any other girl because they stuck around for ages. He’s had a few really serious relationships. What am I doing wrong?

The love I feel isn’t going to diminish and that’s what scares me. We have had a few trial separations and I felt like half a person. Thankfully, working at the health club took my mind off it a bit, but it wasn’t enough. He has got into my veins; deep into my soul and I know I’m hooked forever.

I feel trapped.

Tags: boyfriend, confidence, feeling worthless, lack of confidence, lust

The Story So Far…

I had been with the most wonderful guy for a couple of years. I was happy and I knew I cared for him very much. We were happy, content in our ways and I could have stayed like that for many years more.

The thing is, I then met someone else. At first, I’d never really thought anything of it. He was a bit big-headed, arrogant and not my type in the slightest, but something drew me to him. I can’t tell you what it was.

I spent another year thinking about him often, but I stayed with my ‘wonderful’ boyfriend. Of course, some of the things that I found to be problematic about my relationship with him started to resurface. We used to argue from time to time about money, his smoking and lack of consideration towards his weight gain, which for health reasons bothered me as well as the fact I lost some of the attraction towards him.

Early on in the relationship, we’d had a few pregnancy scares, not through being complacent or anything – far from that – but these things just happen don’t they. A ‘split’ can’t be helped. The repercussions of this meant that I feared sex and I lost my passion for him, and coupled with his weight gain etc I really struggled. We would barely kiss and I remember things getting so bad one time that I couldnt even bear to be touched. I knew this wasn’t right, but I cared for him so much that I couldn’t see myself being without him. After some truly horrendous relationships previously, I thought I’d struck gold with this guy. So what could I do?

My mind started wandering. I had banter with the other guy and we hit it off; lots in common and he made me laugh. Laughter is what won my heart I think.

Just before my anniversary with my boyfriend, I broke it off. I could feel my mind, body and soul being lured by this other guy and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I knew it wasn’t fair to stay with my boyfriend when I couldn’t feel everything I wanted to for him, and I had to let him go. It felt like the hardest decision ever.

A few weeks later I started seeing the guy I had lusted after for so long. He broke up with his girlfriend around the same time and we were both in the same, heartbroken boat. But it felt right, it felt like we were meant to be together.

So, here we are. This is the story of how my dreams became shattered and my heart broken.

Tags: heartbreak, love